The other day one of my acquaintances, the wife of a soldier in My Husband's unit, wanted to know if the male trainers at our mutual gym are always asking how I am and offering me free samples of smoothies from the smoothie bar. Apparently she has a hard time getting through her workout without being interrupted by men at the gym (both employees and fellow customers).
This has not happened to me. Ever. It's possibly because I hate going to the gym and I'm probably wearing my scowl-y face through my entire workout, but still. Her comment kind of made me feel like there's something undesirable about me. I'm always hearing these stories about women never getting asked out and then the get married and all of a sudden guys are all over them. Not for me.
So I spent some time stewing over it, lamenting my un-flirt-worthy persona, when it hit me: friendly, handsome guys NEVER flirt with me. They never have. So why should now be any different than when I was 19?
Perhaps I should clarify that...there have been perfectly nice men that I've had some kind of relationship with (more than hooking up, less than going steady), but if I recall correctly I'm always the one who did the pursuing. No guy has ever run into me "accidentally on purpose" at a bookstore or invited me for drinks to a bar with his friends. I've been hit on, certainly. In very crude and leering ways. But those are not the kind of guys you bring home to your mother.
This led me to another realization: romantic comedies have FUCKED UP MY BRAIN. It's not realistic to expect a 6-foot-tall Ivy League educated athlete with a killer smile and interesting career to ignore all the models throwing themselves at him and chat me up in a coffee shop (thank you very much, Patrick Wilson of Morning Glory) and then look disappointed yet resigned when he finds out I'm married. And maybe pine for me just a little from afar.
In fact, I'd have to say the only handsome athlete with a strong character and a sense of humor to ever flirt with me is My Husband.
Does this make me sound ungrateful? I don't mean to be ungrateful. I know very well My Husband is way out of my league and with his looks and his steady paycheck he could have any woman he wants.
I shudder at the thought (as should all women reading this sentence), but I've been raised to desire un-creepy male attention and having My Husband gone all the time leaves that severely lacking in my life.
So I guess I just have to have my little Gigi from He Just Not That Into You moment and convince myself swoonworthy men don't swoop into my life and then bow out of it gracefully just to boost my confidence.
Life is not a Reese Witherspoon film, after all.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Alone Again
After a three week hiatus, My Husband's unit is back in the field (this makes all of May, June and half of July away from home). Overnight stays, no phone calls, the whole shebang.
I actually got to see him for lunch today...he came home to eat and shower after an interview with a General (he's up for the position of an aide). I haven't spoken to him in three days so I thought it would be nice to catch up a little.
My Husband was very distracted and tired. It's hard to talk to him when he's like this, since I feel like I'm burdening him with the details of my day.
I feel stupid even telling you this, but here's my example:
I've always secretly wanted to learn to sing. My older sister had flute lessons and my younger sister had piano lessons, but my parents were afraid music lessons of any kind for me would encourage me in my "impractical aspirations" to be an actor. So now that I'm out of my parents' house, I've been researching voice coaches and chose one in the neighborhood to work with.
It's exceptionally nerve-wracking for me...I have zero confidence in my voice and I've been regularly told I'm tone deaf. Plus, this is something I really care about, you know, so I want to be good at it. I was a wreck.
But my lesson went really well and I like my teacher a lot. I told My Husband all about it and showed him my "homework," a song she wants me to learn. As I sat at the table, singing it under my breath and trying to figure out how to read the music, My Husband shushed me. Put his finger to his lips and shushed me like I was a toddler in time-out.
He was on the phone with his Commanding Officer (CO) and instead of moving away from me, he decided I should be the one to be quiet.
Then he kissed me and went back to work.
And it's so stupid, I know. I mean, the man is trying to work, dammit. He's in the field all the time, he's tired and he's filthy and he's stressed.
But I feel insignificant. I feel invisible.
I wonder why it's harder to deal with his absences when he's home than when he's deployed. When he's overseas, he depends so much on seeing me and hearing about the inane details of my inane life I feel really...necessary. But here it's like being teased. He's home but he's never really home...he's sleeping or decompressing or thinking about work. So I can see him but I can never really reach him.
I mean, My Husband doesn't even read this blog.
So what do I do? I go to the shelter and walk the dogs. I read. I watch TV. I reset the wireless Internet after thunderstorms. I send Sympathy cards. I shop for groceries. I go to the gym. I try to focus on myself, but I didn't fall and love and get married to focus on myself.
I actually got to see him for lunch today...he came home to eat and shower after an interview with a General (he's up for the position of an aide). I haven't spoken to him in three days so I thought it would be nice to catch up a little.
My Husband was very distracted and tired. It's hard to talk to him when he's like this, since I feel like I'm burdening him with the details of my day.
I feel stupid even telling you this, but here's my example:
I've always secretly wanted to learn to sing. My older sister had flute lessons and my younger sister had piano lessons, but my parents were afraid music lessons of any kind for me would encourage me in my "impractical aspirations" to be an actor. So now that I'm out of my parents' house, I've been researching voice coaches and chose one in the neighborhood to work with.
It's exceptionally nerve-wracking for me...I have zero confidence in my voice and I've been regularly told I'm tone deaf. Plus, this is something I really care about, you know, so I want to be good at it. I was a wreck.
But my lesson went really well and I like my teacher a lot. I told My Husband all about it and showed him my "homework," a song she wants me to learn. As I sat at the table, singing it under my breath and trying to figure out how to read the music, My Husband shushed me. Put his finger to his lips and shushed me like I was a toddler in time-out.
He was on the phone with his Commanding Officer (CO) and instead of moving away from me, he decided I should be the one to be quiet.
Then he kissed me and went back to work.
And it's so stupid, I know. I mean, the man is trying to work, dammit. He's in the field all the time, he's tired and he's filthy and he's stressed.
But I feel insignificant. I feel invisible.
I wonder why it's harder to deal with his absences when he's home than when he's deployed. When he's overseas, he depends so much on seeing me and hearing about the inane details of my inane life I feel really...necessary. But here it's like being teased. He's home but he's never really home...he's sleeping or decompressing or thinking about work. So I can see him but I can never really reach him.
I mean, My Husband doesn't even read this blog.
So what do I do? I go to the shelter and walk the dogs. I read. I watch TV. I reset the wireless Internet after thunderstorms. I send Sympathy cards. I shop for groceries. I go to the gym. I try to focus on myself, but I didn't fall and love and get married to focus on myself.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
In-Law Visit
My Husband and I just got home from a few days visiting his family in Chicago, Illinois. His sister India and her husband Stuart live there with their daughter Lena (she just turned 2 years old). So My Husband's parents and his oldest brother Holden drove in from Pennsylvania to meet us there.
It was...an experience, as all these visits tend to be. Luckily for me I seem to be developing a sort of desensitization to their various antics. My Husband's family has no boundaries (no topic is taboo, no closed door means privacy) and they are all, in general, very nice but angry people who would benefit immensely from therapy.
My Husband's mother is a tough woman who grew up in the Philadelphia projects with her single mother and two siblings. Her father's abandonment left her with some serious scars that her marriage made worse.
My mother-in-law met and got pregnant by My Husband's father when she just barely 20. My father-in-laws family, very traditional and more on the moneyed side, didn't approve of the match at all. But all parties were Catholic and marriage was the only option.
My father-in-law is an alcoholic. He's good-natured but incredibly selfish and was unfaithful to my mother-in-law during spats in their marriage (something I've never told anyone). She became very insular and focused on her five children, glossing over their mistakes and trumpeting their successes.
Holden is angry and an alcoholic like his father. He's handsome and charming but incredibly disappointed that his life did not turn out how he planned it (marriage and children) and is consistently jealous of My Husband and insecure about his place in the universe.
India has a judgemental streak a mile wide; which is slightly ridiculous since her family hated Stuart and are still disappointed their relationship is successful. She was convinced I was not good enough for My Husband and, quite frankly, never let me forget it for their first three years we were dating. Marriage and motherhood has mellowed her out, but she's still desperate for reinforcement that she's raising her child properly.
Middle brother Dorian and youngest Charles were not there, so I'll save their paragraphs for another time.
Anyway, the only real hitches in the weekend were the fact that India is pregnant again...a sore spot for me, since we're trying and have been so far unsuccessful. My visit to my grandmother's grave (my father was raised in Chicago) was spoiled by everyone's insistence on accompanying me...nothing like trying to have a moment with your dead grandma while hosting some kind of macabre field trip.
Holden spent a good part of the next day pissed at me...India and Stuart invited their aunt & uncle (my father-in-law's brother) who live just outside the city, to dinner. India and her parents took Lena to gymnastics and the boys were out drinking, leaving me alone in the house to prepare for guests. The boys (Holden, Stuart and My Husband) were TWO HOURS late, leaving me alone with the aunt & uncle for about an hour in a house that wasn't mine and was devoid of most supplies necessary for entertaining.
I called My Husband to see were they were and let him know I was put out about the situation...I guess he was upset enough to try and rush the guys home. Apparently Holden didn't appreciate my "demands," that their time together was cut short as well as the fact that I only set out two plates of hors d'oeurves. I overheard him complain to his mother that he and Stuart "set out everything" when they got home.
Oh, did I mention that Stuart had the list of antipasti India wanted out and where she wanted it? Damn, I've gotta get my mind-reading abilities in check.
He's just a pissy man and I pretty much hate him right now. In the past, similar feelings of disapproval about my behavior would have sent me into tears...I hate disappointing people...but I think I may be getting a little more used to their outrageous expectations and can deal with them more effectively. I'm trying to focus on the fact that no matter what I do, someone is going to be mad at me...had I set up the table perfectly Holden would have complained to his mother that I'm full of myself and think I can throw a better party than them.
But just the idea that every single family visit is going to have some kind of instance like this makes me...exhausted.
It was...an experience, as all these visits tend to be. Luckily for me I seem to be developing a sort of desensitization to their various antics. My Husband's family has no boundaries (no topic is taboo, no closed door means privacy) and they are all, in general, very nice but angry people who would benefit immensely from therapy.
My Husband's mother is a tough woman who grew up in the Philadelphia projects with her single mother and two siblings. Her father's abandonment left her with some serious scars that her marriage made worse.
My mother-in-law met and got pregnant by My Husband's father when she just barely 20. My father-in-laws family, very traditional and more on the moneyed side, didn't approve of the match at all. But all parties were Catholic and marriage was the only option.
My father-in-law is an alcoholic. He's good-natured but incredibly selfish and was unfaithful to my mother-in-law during spats in their marriage (something I've never told anyone). She became very insular and focused on her five children, glossing over their mistakes and trumpeting their successes.
Holden is angry and an alcoholic like his father. He's handsome and charming but incredibly disappointed that his life did not turn out how he planned it (marriage and children) and is consistently jealous of My Husband and insecure about his place in the universe.
India has a judgemental streak a mile wide; which is slightly ridiculous since her family hated Stuart and are still disappointed their relationship is successful. She was convinced I was not good enough for My Husband and, quite frankly, never let me forget it for their first three years we were dating. Marriage and motherhood has mellowed her out, but she's still desperate for reinforcement that she's raising her child properly.
Middle brother Dorian and youngest Charles were not there, so I'll save their paragraphs for another time.
Anyway, the only real hitches in the weekend were the fact that India is pregnant again...a sore spot for me, since we're trying and have been so far unsuccessful. My visit to my grandmother's grave (my father was raised in Chicago) was spoiled by everyone's insistence on accompanying me...nothing like trying to have a moment with your dead grandma while hosting some kind of macabre field trip.
Holden spent a good part of the next day pissed at me...India and Stuart invited their aunt & uncle (my father-in-law's brother) who live just outside the city, to dinner. India and her parents took Lena to gymnastics and the boys were out drinking, leaving me alone in the house to prepare for guests. The boys (Holden, Stuart and My Husband) were TWO HOURS late, leaving me alone with the aunt & uncle for about an hour in a house that wasn't mine and was devoid of most supplies necessary for entertaining.
I called My Husband to see were they were and let him know I was put out about the situation...I guess he was upset enough to try and rush the guys home. Apparently Holden didn't appreciate my "demands," that their time together was cut short as well as the fact that I only set out two plates of hors d'oeurves. I overheard him complain to his mother that he and Stuart "set out everything" when they got home.
Oh, did I mention that Stuart had the list of antipasti India wanted out and where she wanted it? Damn, I've gotta get my mind-reading abilities in check.
He's just a pissy man and I pretty much hate him right now. In the past, similar feelings of disapproval about my behavior would have sent me into tears...I hate disappointing people...but I think I may be getting a little more used to their outrageous expectations and can deal with them more effectively. I'm trying to focus on the fact that no matter what I do, someone is going to be mad at me...had I set up the table perfectly Holden would have complained to his mother that I'm full of myself and think I can throw a better party than them.
But just the idea that every single family visit is going to have some kind of instance like this makes me...exhausted.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My Duke & Duchess of Cambridge
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My enthusiasm for Prince William and Princess Catherine's wedding has raised a few eyebrows among my acquaintances and My Husband's men and friends. In watching all my little television specials, I've come to the conclusion that besides my feelings about Diana and William from childhood, I respect and admire Catherine because I see a lot of my own life reflected in hers.
Now of course I grimace at all the descriptions of Catherine as being a "middle class" girl, because her parents are millionaires. And British millionaires, because of the exchange rate, are like double American millionaires. So obviously she's had much more posh opportunities than I have and grew up in aristocratic circles even if she's not a blue-blood herself.
But in learning more about the couple's relationship through university and after graduation, I see more similarities than I expected. Catherine helped William deal with the pressure of his studies and his future obligations. I can't tell you how many times I was on the phone with My Husband while he was at West Point talking him through poor test scores or acceptance jitters.
Catherine faced ingratiating herself into one of the most insular families (known in the U.K. as "The Firm") in the world. William is their "golden boy," their hope for the future and their pride and joy. My Husband has three brother and one sister...three older and one younger sibling total.
His younger brother is very similar to Prince Harry...buoyant, talented and light-hearted. His oldest brother, 33, has had numerous troubles with alcohol and anger management. He hasn't had a serious girlfriend in years and moved out of his parents house about two years ago. My Husband's sister, 31, married a man most of the family hates and lives 1,000 miles from her mother in Chicago...she becomes less of a favorite every day. Her "Irish twin," my Husband's other older brother (age 30), is temperamental and stubborn...he's never had a serious girlfriend and also moved out of the family home about two years ago.
My Husband is his parents' favorite child...he has a successful career, is handsome and fit and as an active army officer an American hero. I had a terrible time getting accepted by his siblings and his mother. I think now they were uncertain ANYONE could possibly be good enough for him, especially some girl he met away from home. His sister specifically treated me very poorly in the beginning, and his mother scrutinized my every move. Not nearly like having the Queen of England watch your table manners, but it sure felt that way.
After graduation from St. Andrew's, William went into training to become a military-grade rescue helicopter pilot and Catherine went home to her parents and worked for their party-planning company (completely putting to the side her degree in Art History). I graduated a year ahead of My Husband and didn't attempt to find work out of the Northeast so I could support him and see him through his final year at West Point.
So Catherine appeared to be treading water for a few years as William felt out his career aspirations. She was not working steadily or starting a family as her friends and peers were. As my friends from college embarked on graduate school or New York, Boston and Los Angeles to further their careers I worked for my father in his office. I accepted a job at a local theme park ringing register in a food court; I was a cater-waiter on weekends and a proofreader for two years for a small-time struggling greeting card distributor (all at the same time). Every news bureau, paper and television station I looked for work at denied my application. Every magazine I sent a story to rejected me. After My Husband graduated and went on to his first level of training, I remained in my parents home waiting to see were we would end up...physically and romantically.
I can't imagine the pressure Catherine must have felt from her parents, even subconsciously, not to screw up her relationship with the prince. My parents cautioned me as well in my behavior as a girlfriend...I wasn't to be as difficult as I usually was, or as demanding, or as selfish. My father purchased me a book, the first gift he personally picked out for me since I was a child, about West Point so that I could be a better girlfriend to a cadet. When My Husband told my father he was going to propose to me, my father said, "Are you sure?" When My Husband said yes, my father asked him to wait until after his graduation from West Point...after all, that event should be completely about him and I shouldn't be given the opportunity to steal the spotlight.
And then when Catherine and William finally began to live together on a remote island where William trained, Catherine gave up everything to be with him...her proximity to the hustle and bustle of London, her friends, her family and her job. She did the laundry and cooked his meals. Just like me.
I can't leave out the actual ceremony. I don't have any real idea of the process of planning a royal wedding attended by 600 and watched on television by 2 BILLION, but I remember a shadow of that pressure in planning our wedding.
I tiptoed around my sisters' jealousy and indifference, my parents' requirements and my future-in-laws' tantrums (my mother-in-law asked if a ceremony at my childhood Lutheran church would actually count in the Catholic church). I sacrificed personal preference in order to not appear wasteful or wanton and spent hours settling family grievances brought to a head by the approaching ceremony. As Catherine walked down the aisle in Westminster Abbey trying not to hyperventilate, I felt for her.
Then I watched William call her "babe," and Catherine ask him if he was happy I saw myself and My Husband. He's always been my rock and no matter what drama swirls around us he's never once faltered. His eyes were on mine that day at the altar; as far as he was concerned the 200 people in the pews did not exist. And I like to think William was the same way with his Catherine.
I think I love them both because I love myself and My Husband. I want all four of us to succeed and flourish despite the dangers of occupation and the familial pressure. I want us all to have beautiful, healthy babies who grow to define the term "well-adjusted." I want the royal couple to live happily ever after so passionately because I want My Husband and I to live happily ever after.
I'm sorry if my affection for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge seems inappropriate considering we do not know (and probably will never know) each other personally. But I look to them as proof no matter what your lifestyle or the lifestyle that's been thrust upon you because of the person you fell in love with, love is possible. And it makes everything worthwhile.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Bad News
Our latest piece of news...My Husband's best friend and college roommate's dad has been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. The doctors pretty much told him he can have six months or less without chemotherapy and maybe a year with it.
As if that doesn't suck enough, said roommate is getting married on Memorial Day weekend. So basically that could be the last time their entire family gets together. And of course, now the wedding isn't really about the couple anymore. Every happy event in the next few years (his sister's wedding, their first baby, etc.) is gonna be marred by the fact his dad is gone.
I'm so sad for them in this entire situation. And it makes me think about losing My Husband. It doesn't take much to make me think about losing My Husband, what with the line of work he's in, but this definitely does it.
And because I wouldn't be me without that selfish little voice in the back of my head, I'm disappointed the wedding has taken on an entirely different tone. This is my first non-family wedding and my first with My Husband (minus our own). And I have to tell you, our wedding wasn't all wine and roses.
The pressure for perfection was intense. My father continually lamented how much it was costing him and screamed at me regularly to vent his frustration. My sisters were only sporadically involved, being busy with their own lives. My mother continually reminded me to be grateful. My parents invited a married couple to the wedding in exchange for them re-sodding the front lawn. My Husband was gone all day Friday and late for the rehearsal dinner because of his second bachelor party in Boston the Thursday night. He was late for the ceremony Saturday afternoon because his older brother took 90 minutes to get ready and then stopped to fill his empty gas tank before taking the wrong highway to the church. And a million other little things.
So I was excited for this wedding...I had no worries, I new exactly how to be helpful to the bride, groom and their families and there was absolutely no pressure. Sweet deal. Now that's all gone and I have no idea how to act when we get there.
Besides that, I feel terrible for the bride because she isn't the focus of her own wedding day and she's got a way better reason for it than I ever did. I want to write her a letter or something...let her know I know she'll be worried about her fiance and his family, but that it's OK to take a few minutes to say, "This is about me and my husband-to-be." I don't want her to start off her marriage with resentment.
But then again, that may be crossing a boundary. I've only met her once, and I've only met My Husband's roommate and handful more times. So maybe I should just mind my own business. As empathetic as I am to the situation, I don't know what it's like to watch your father and father-in-law die in the months just after your wedding and I don't want to be...what's a good word? Nosy? Pushy? Opinionated?
Thinking about this makes my head hurt.
As if that doesn't suck enough, said roommate is getting married on Memorial Day weekend. So basically that could be the last time their entire family gets together. And of course, now the wedding isn't really about the couple anymore. Every happy event in the next few years (his sister's wedding, their first baby, etc.) is gonna be marred by the fact his dad is gone.
I'm so sad for them in this entire situation. And it makes me think about losing My Husband. It doesn't take much to make me think about losing My Husband, what with the line of work he's in, but this definitely does it.
And because I wouldn't be me without that selfish little voice in the back of my head, I'm disappointed the wedding has taken on an entirely different tone. This is my first non-family wedding and my first with My Husband (minus our own). And I have to tell you, our wedding wasn't all wine and roses.
The pressure for perfection was intense. My father continually lamented how much it was costing him and screamed at me regularly to vent his frustration. My sisters were only sporadically involved, being busy with their own lives. My mother continually reminded me to be grateful. My parents invited a married couple to the wedding in exchange for them re-sodding the front lawn. My Husband was gone all day Friday and late for the rehearsal dinner because of his second bachelor party in Boston the Thursday night. He was late for the ceremony Saturday afternoon because his older brother took 90 minutes to get ready and then stopped to fill his empty gas tank before taking the wrong highway to the church. And a million other little things.
So I was excited for this wedding...I had no worries, I new exactly how to be helpful to the bride, groom and their families and there was absolutely no pressure. Sweet deal. Now that's all gone and I have no idea how to act when we get there.
Besides that, I feel terrible for the bride because she isn't the focus of her own wedding day and she's got a way better reason for it than I ever did. I want to write her a letter or something...let her know I know she'll be worried about her fiance and his family, but that it's OK to take a few minutes to say, "This is about me and my husband-to-be." I don't want her to start off her marriage with resentment.
But then again, that may be crossing a boundary. I've only met her once, and I've only met My Husband's roommate and handful more times. So maybe I should just mind my own business. As empathetic as I am to the situation, I don't know what it's like to watch your father and father-in-law die in the months just after your wedding and I don't want to be...what's a good word? Nosy? Pushy? Opinionated?
Thinking about this makes my head hurt.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Worst Disney Movie Ever
I have a friend who LOVES DisneyWorld. She interned at the park every summer during college (she played the character "Stitch" her third year!) and has wanted to get married there since we were like, ten.
Now, you should know that I too love DisneyWorld. My grandmother (my mom's mom) loved all things Disney and integrated it into all our visits with her. For example, she had a bag where she'd store gifts before giving them away called "The Mary Poppins Bag." The hidden panic room in their New York home (which they used for storage) was called "The Alice in Wonderland Room."
My grandmother and grandfather were (and still are) very wealthy. My family isn't, but we benefitted a great deal from their generosity and took a number of trips to DisneyWorld, sometimes with my aunt and uncle and their boys, too.
DisneyWorld is my "Happy Place." I'm not optimistic as a rule, and DisneyWorld is the ONLY place I remember all the good things and none of the bad things. Of course my parents had vacation fights...my dad's never spent money without some regret...there was plenty of rivalry with my sisters for attention and any number of incidents in which I was punished for wandering off. But all that stuff falls by the wayside when I think about being with my whole family in a place that's warm and sunny and magical.
My Husband has never been to DisneyWorld. Now that the friend I mentioned at the beginning of this post is getting married (May 11th, yay Kate!) there, we planned a weeklong vacation to celebrate her marriage and so I could share all the DisneyWorld goodness with the love of my life.
We've been planning an all out vacation, our first that will be just us since we've been married. Nine days, themed Disney resort, the works. I've been bugging My Husband to get the OK from his commanding officer (CO) so I can use our Southwest miles to book plane tickets.
Enter the multi-tentacled monster that is the United States Army. My Husband will be spending the entire month of May with his squadron in the field doing training exercises. Oh wait, not the ENTIRE month...they have Memorial Day weekend off, just in time to go to My Husband's college roommate's wedding in which he's a groomsman. Of course.
And this is after he's scheduled to spend the whole month of April in Fort Benning, GA at Scout School.
So no DisneyWorld wedding/vacation for the Delaneys.
Now, I've heard all the "army life" bullshit about missed vacations and holidays and this "is the life I've chosen" and all that. I KNOW. I know this is a hard life. I did the deployment, I'm doing the training and the 14-hour workdays. I know complaining is pointless and unproductive.
But I wanted to get married in September and we had to marry in July because of his deployment. I wanted a honeymoon...same deal. I just...I only wanted to go to DisneyWorld with My Husband and see my friend get married. We've been planning this for more than a year and now...nothing. I'm so tired of having my plans wrecked and having to pretend it's no big deal to keep the peace.
And so here I am; learning to live a life that someone else is in charge of. And trying desperately to be grateful for it despite everything.
Now, you should know that I too love DisneyWorld. My grandmother (my mom's mom) loved all things Disney and integrated it into all our visits with her. For example, she had a bag where she'd store gifts before giving them away called "The Mary Poppins Bag." The hidden panic room in their New York home (which they used for storage) was called "The Alice in Wonderland Room."
My grandmother and grandfather were (and still are) very wealthy. My family isn't, but we benefitted a great deal from their generosity and took a number of trips to DisneyWorld, sometimes with my aunt and uncle and their boys, too.
DisneyWorld is my "Happy Place." I'm not optimistic as a rule, and DisneyWorld is the ONLY place I remember all the good things and none of the bad things. Of course my parents had vacation fights...my dad's never spent money without some regret...there was plenty of rivalry with my sisters for attention and any number of incidents in which I was punished for wandering off. But all that stuff falls by the wayside when I think about being with my whole family in a place that's warm and sunny and magical.
My Husband has never been to DisneyWorld. Now that the friend I mentioned at the beginning of this post is getting married (May 11th, yay Kate!) there, we planned a weeklong vacation to celebrate her marriage and so I could share all the DisneyWorld goodness with the love of my life.
We've been planning an all out vacation, our first that will be just us since we've been married. Nine days, themed Disney resort, the works. I've been bugging My Husband to get the OK from his commanding officer (CO) so I can use our Southwest miles to book plane tickets.
Enter the multi-tentacled monster that is the United States Army. My Husband will be spending the entire month of May with his squadron in the field doing training exercises. Oh wait, not the ENTIRE month...they have Memorial Day weekend off, just in time to go to My Husband's college roommate's wedding in which he's a groomsman. Of course.
And this is after he's scheduled to spend the whole month of April in Fort Benning, GA at Scout School.
So no DisneyWorld wedding/vacation for the Delaneys.
Now, I've heard all the "army life" bullshit about missed vacations and holidays and this "is the life I've chosen" and all that. I KNOW. I know this is a hard life. I did the deployment, I'm doing the training and the 14-hour workdays. I know complaining is pointless and unproductive.
But I wanted to get married in September and we had to marry in July because of his deployment. I wanted a honeymoon...same deal. I just...I only wanted to go to DisneyWorld with My Husband and see my friend get married. We've been planning this for more than a year and now...nothing. I'm so tired of having my plans wrecked and having to pretend it's no big deal to keep the peace.
And so here I am; learning to live a life that someone else is in charge of. And trying desperately to be grateful for it despite everything.
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