Our latest piece of news...My Husband's best friend and college roommate's dad has been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. The doctors pretty much told him he can have six months or less without chemotherapy and maybe a year with it.
As if that doesn't suck enough, said roommate is getting married on Memorial Day weekend. So basically that could be the last time their entire family gets together. And of course, now the wedding isn't really about the couple anymore. Every happy event in the next few years (his sister's wedding, their first baby, etc.) is gonna be marred by the fact his dad is gone.
I'm so sad for them in this entire situation. And it makes me think about losing My Husband. It doesn't take much to make me think about losing My Husband, what with the line of work he's in, but this definitely does it.
And because I wouldn't be me without that selfish little voice in the back of my head, I'm disappointed the wedding has taken on an entirely different tone. This is my first non-family wedding and my first with My Husband (minus our own). And I have to tell you, our wedding wasn't all wine and roses.
The pressure for perfection was intense. My father continually lamented how much it was costing him and screamed at me regularly to vent his frustration. My sisters were only sporadically involved, being busy with their own lives. My mother continually reminded me to be grateful. My parents invited a married couple to the wedding in exchange for them re-sodding the front lawn. My Husband was gone all day Friday and late for the rehearsal dinner because of his second bachelor party in Boston the Thursday night. He was late for the ceremony Saturday afternoon because his older brother took 90 minutes to get ready and then stopped to fill his empty gas tank before taking the wrong highway to the church. And a million other little things.
So I was excited for this wedding...I had no worries, I new exactly how to be helpful to the bride, groom and their families and there was absolutely no pressure. Sweet deal. Now that's all gone and I have no idea how to act when we get there.
Besides that, I feel terrible for the bride because she isn't the focus of her own wedding day and she's got a way better reason for it than I ever did. I want to write her a letter or something...let her know I know she'll be worried about her fiance and his family, but that it's OK to take a few minutes to say, "This is about me and my husband-to-be." I don't want her to start off her marriage with resentment.
But then again, that may be crossing a boundary. I've only met her once, and I've only met My Husband's roommate and handful more times. So maybe I should just mind my own business. As empathetic as I am to the situation, I don't know what it's like to watch your father and father-in-law die in the months just after your wedding and I don't want to be...what's a good word? Nosy? Pushy? Opinionated?
Thinking about this makes my head hurt.
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