Bad News

Our latest piece of news...My Husband's best friend and college roommate's dad has been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer.  The doctors pretty much told him he can have six months or less without chemotherapy and maybe a year with it.

As if that doesn't suck enough, said roommate is getting married on Memorial Day weekend.  So basically that could be the last time their entire family gets together.  And of course, now the wedding isn't really about the couple anymore.  Every happy event in the next few years (his sister's wedding, their first baby, etc.) is gonna be marred by the fact his dad is gone.

I'm so sad for them in this entire situation.  And it makes me think about losing My Husband.  It doesn't take much to make me think about losing My Husband, what with the line of work he's in, but this definitely does it.

And because I wouldn't be me without that selfish little voice in the back of my head, I'm disappointed the wedding has taken on an entirely different tone.  This is my first non-family wedding and my first with My Husband (minus our own).  And I have to tell you, our wedding wasn't all wine and roses.

The pressure for perfection was intense.  My father continually lamented how much it was costing him and screamed at me regularly to vent his frustration.  My sisters were only sporadically involved, being busy with their own lives.  My mother continually reminded me to be grateful.  My parents invited a married couple to the wedding in exchange for them re-sodding the front lawn.  My Husband was gone all day Friday and late for the rehearsal dinner because of his second bachelor party in Boston the Thursday night.  He was late for the ceremony Saturday afternoon because his older brother took 90 minutes to get ready and then stopped to fill his empty gas tank before taking the wrong highway to the church.  And a million other little things.

So I was excited for this wedding...I had no worries, I new exactly how to be helpful to the bride, groom and their families and there was absolutely no pressure.  Sweet deal.  Now that's all gone and I have no idea how to act when we get there.

Besides that, I feel terrible for the bride because she isn't the focus of her own wedding day and she's got a way better reason for it than I ever did.  I want to write her a letter or something...let her know I know she'll be worried about her fiance and his family, but that it's OK to take a few minutes to say, "This is about me and my husband-to-be."  I don't want her to start off her marriage with resentment.

But then again, that may be crossing a boundary.  I've only met her once, and I've only met My Husband's roommate and handful more times.  So maybe I should just mind my own business.  As empathetic as I am to the situation, I don't know what it's like to watch your father and father-in-law die in the months just after your wedding and I don't want to be...what's a good word?  Nosy?  Pushy?  Opinionated?

Thinking about this makes my head hurt. 

The Strange Case of Carlos Estevez

Courtesy of http://www.vchannelnews.com/

I'm gonna hop on the bandwagon for a minute.

Most of us know "Carlos Estevez" as Charlie Sheen, the actor who is currently dominating all of the entertainment/gossip media outlets with Napoleonic zeal.  I was laying in bed last night listening to My Husband snore and I came up with a Charlie Sheen theory.

Don't get agitated, it's just a theory.  It's something to engage my brain when I can't sleep and it's your bad luck I'm capable of typing it up and posting it on the Internet for the world (or my current 12 viewers...10 from the United States, 1 from China and 1 from Singapore, hey guys!) to see.

I think Charlie Sheen is dying.  I think his foray to the hospital for severe abdominal pain a few months ago resulted in some terminal test results.  I think Sheen's long history of abusing recreational drugs and alcohol have caused a number of chronic conditions and culminated in pancreatic cancer.

So he gets this diagnosis and has himself a little reflection time.  He thinks about the survival rate for pancreatic cancer, the effects of chemo and the media coverage of Farrah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze's recent demises and deaths.  And honestly, I think he decided, "Fuck it.  I've got months to live and I'm gonna live them exactly how I want to.  I'm gonna say what I want, do what I want, live with a mini-harem and get my face on camera whenever I have the chance.  I'm not gonna keep going to a job where I hate the people.  I'm gonna suit myself."

I think the guy is James Deaning-it...living fast and dying how he wants to.  Not emaciated or bloated from futile radiation treatment.  Not in a hospital bed where he's too weak to get himself to the bathroom.  Not in rehab ruminating with a counselor about his many addictions and tormented with withdrawal symptoms.  He wants to be in his house: drunk, stoned or having sex with people who know EXACTLY what they're doing. 

He doesn't want to be pitied or fawned over or reminisced with.  Charlie Sheen doesn't want to linger and say anguished goodbyes.  He wants to sear himself into our memories as a shining example of talent and passion that flashes white-hot and burns out quickly. 

Courtesy of http://www.taramtamtam.com/

Maybe it's a still a secret because his doctor can't legally give interviews about his condition (doctor/patient confidentiality).  Maybe that's why he looks so pallid and skinny. Maybe Denise Richards knows and that's why she's been so supportive.  Maybe Brooke Mueller doesn't and that's why she hasn't.  Maybe that's why Martin Sheen referred to his son's addictions as a "cancer."  Maybe Charlie doesn't want to work because he's got a kickass life insurance policy that will provide for his five children the rest of their lives.

Am I projecting a Shakespearean attitude or a tragic Greek eloquence on a guy who may just have Swiss-cheese-crazy-brain from cocaine and booze?  Possibly.  Sheen could also be another Hollywood asshole who's cashing in on his notoriety Spencer Pratt-style.  But I like my Charlie better.  And I think he would, too.