Alone Again

After a three week hiatus, My Husband's unit is back in the field (this makes all of May, June and half of July away from home).  Overnight stays, no phone calls, the whole shebang. 

I actually got to see him for lunch today...he came home to eat and shower after an interview with a General (he's up for the position of an aide).  I haven't spoken to him in three days so I thought it would be nice to catch up a little.

My Husband was very distracted and tired.  It's hard to talk to him when he's like this, since I feel like I'm burdening him with the details of my day.

I feel stupid even telling you this, but here's my example:

I've always secretly wanted to learn to sing.  My older sister had flute lessons and my younger sister had piano lessons, but my parents were afraid music lessons of any kind for me would encourage me in my "impractical aspirations" to be an actor.  So now that I'm out of my parents' house, I've been researching voice coaches and chose one in the neighborhood to work with.

It's exceptionally nerve-wracking for me...I have zero confidence in my voice and I've been regularly told I'm tone deaf.  Plus, this is something I really care about, you know, so I want to be good at it.  I was a wreck.

But my lesson went really well and I like my teacher a lot.  I told My Husband all about it and showed him my "homework," a song she wants me to learn.  As I sat at the table, singing it under my breath and trying to figure out how to read the music, My Husband shushed me.  Put his finger to his lips and shushed me like I was a toddler in time-out.

He was on the phone with his Commanding Officer (CO) and instead of moving away from me, he decided I should be the one to be quiet.

Then he kissed me and went back to work.

And it's so stupid, I know.  I mean, the man is trying to work, dammit.  He's in the field all the time, he's tired and he's filthy and he's stressed.

But I feel insignificant.  I feel invisible.

I wonder why it's harder to deal with his absences when he's home than when he's deployed.  When he's overseas, he depends so much on seeing me and hearing about the inane details of my inane life I feel really...necessary.  But here it's like being teased.  He's home but he's never really home...he's sleeping or decompressing or thinking about work.  So I can see him but I can never really reach him. 

I mean, My Husband doesn't even read this blog.

So what do I do?  I go to the shelter and walk the dogs.  I read.  I watch TV.  I reset the wireless Internet after thunderstorms.  I send Sympathy cards.  I shop for groceries.  I go to the gym.  I try to focus on myself, but I didn't fall and love and get married to focus on myself.

Modern Communication

I'm blogging and on hold with Cox Cable at the same time.  Multitasking, thy name is Lark.

I'm on the phone because my second foray into OnlineTechSupport Chat was futile just as the first was, although much less rude.  The woman on the other end reset my whole cable box, but to no avail.  The INPUT button still doesn't work, and now the ON DEMAND button has stopped working, too.  Really all I want from this conversation is a repair guy to come here and give me a new remote.  I've been on 10 minutes so far, let's see how this goes.

Anyway, since we're talking about communication...

Remember that wedding My Husband and I went to, the one with his best friend from college?  And his dad has cancer and his brother spewed his personal hatred of the bride all over me pre-ceremony?  According to Facebook, they're (the bride and groom, not the dad or the brother) pregnant.

When did it become OK to announce major events...IE engagements, pregnancies, etc...over the Internet without first attempting to call all your friends?  When My Husband proposed, I called all my closest friends, my sisters and my parents.  All the engagements that have happened since, I've gotten no phone calls.  Not even from the girls I called personally.  Not a fan.

And my poor Husband, this is the second time this has happened to him...where a close friend is having a baby and he finds out through Facebook.  Not even a personal Facebook message, mind you...just a random announcement for all to see.  Doesn't that cheapen the event a little, that you can't even pick up the damn phone?  Or am I some kind of anti-Internet fuddy duddy?

Does it reiterate the fuddy duddy idea if I've now been on hold for 20 minutes?  I feel pretty geriatric about it.

Anyway, I was always under the impression Facebook and Twitter were supposed to accent one's life, not take it over.  It's like the Internet has become everyone 'smouth instead of their eyes and ears to a larger world.  We're all connected now...so why do I feel so cut off?





*In case you were wondering, I did get my tech support appointment (29 minutes and 42 seconds after beginning this post).