Alone Again

After a three week hiatus, My Husband's unit is back in the field (this makes all of May, June and half of July away from home).  Overnight stays, no phone calls, the whole shebang. 

I actually got to see him for lunch today...he came home to eat and shower after an interview with a General (he's up for the position of an aide).  I haven't spoken to him in three days so I thought it would be nice to catch up a little.

My Husband was very distracted and tired.  It's hard to talk to him when he's like this, since I feel like I'm burdening him with the details of my day.

I feel stupid even telling you this, but here's my example:

I've always secretly wanted to learn to sing.  My older sister had flute lessons and my younger sister had piano lessons, but my parents were afraid music lessons of any kind for me would encourage me in my "impractical aspirations" to be an actor.  So now that I'm out of my parents' house, I've been researching voice coaches and chose one in the neighborhood to work with.

It's exceptionally nerve-wracking for me...I have zero confidence in my voice and I've been regularly told I'm tone deaf.  Plus, this is something I really care about, you know, so I want to be good at it.  I was a wreck.

But my lesson went really well and I like my teacher a lot.  I told My Husband all about it and showed him my "homework," a song she wants me to learn.  As I sat at the table, singing it under my breath and trying to figure out how to read the music, My Husband shushed me.  Put his finger to his lips and shushed me like I was a toddler in time-out.

He was on the phone with his Commanding Officer (CO) and instead of moving away from me, he decided I should be the one to be quiet.

Then he kissed me and went back to work.

And it's so stupid, I know.  I mean, the man is trying to work, dammit.  He's in the field all the time, he's tired and he's filthy and he's stressed.

But I feel insignificant.  I feel invisible.

I wonder why it's harder to deal with his absences when he's home than when he's deployed.  When he's overseas, he depends so much on seeing me and hearing about the inane details of my inane life I feel really...necessary.  But here it's like being teased.  He's home but he's never really home...he's sleeping or decompressing or thinking about work.  So I can see him but I can never really reach him. 

I mean, My Husband doesn't even read this blog.

So what do I do?  I go to the shelter and walk the dogs.  I read.  I watch TV.  I reset the wireless Internet after thunderstorms.  I send Sympathy cards.  I shop for groceries.  I go to the gym.  I try to focus on myself, but I didn't fall and love and get married to focus on myself.

In-Lawlessness

My in-laws have discovered Skype.  I suggest you purchase stock.

Yesterday in our Mother's Day Skype session, My Husband and I were making nice with his mom, dad and two oldest brothers.  Holden (blond, handsome, angry, oldest) behaved himself very well.   Dorian (dark, artistic, stubborn, middlest) sat down, grinned at us and I and asked if I was menstruating.  He found this to be a clever, funny way to see if I was pregnant yet. 

I gaped, My Husband's mother gave Dorian a dirty look and repeated a number of times that "No one here talks about that; we don't discuss that at all," and My Husband shook his head and said told his brother that's a completely inappropriate thing to say.   Dorian said, "I'm joking," and My Husband replied, "It doesn't matter; that's so over the line."   Dorian huffed, "Fine then," and left.   We didn't see him again the rest of the conversation.

My mother-in-law continued to assure us they never discuss my fertility, which obviously means they do but she knows we find it to be a private topic unfit for general family conversation.  She and Holden talk about it on a regular basis...when My Husband left for Iraq she went fishing for information and told me over the phone they'd been trying to figure out when my cycle was to see if it was plausible My Husband knocked me up before deploying.  My reaction was one of alarm and she hasn't brought it up since.

The conversation went on pretty normally from there.  Afterward My Husband told me he was not happy with Dorian's remarks or the fact he's likely to stew about My Husband's sharp response and add it to his running list of Life Grievances.  Dorian's a grudgey sort.

For some reason the amount of serotonin in my brain was higher than usual and I was able to look at the bright side of this conversation: My Husband's mother was taking pains to keep us happy.  If the same sort of thing had happened a few years ago, she would have told My Husband he was overreacting and that Dorian didn't mean anything by it.  The look she gave him and the lack of reprimand toward us was a pretty positive step.  I think she's starting to realize her best bet for happily married children and pretty, polite, well-adjusted grandchildren is My Husband and me.

I've told you before Holden and Dorian have their own issues and show no signs of getting married in the next few years.  The only daughter, India, has a husband and a little girl but she bears the brunt of the family's judgement.  Everything from her parenting skills to her career to her finances comes under fire.  And her daughter gets a bit more bratty every day.  Comes from being the sole grandchild/niece of a very possessive family.

So it seems My Husband's mother has finally placed her bet on the right team, so to speak, and wants to stay on our good side.  As I'm sure there will be more juvenile behavior from his siblings in the future, I hope it stays that way.