Thursday, May 19, 2011

Birth Control Update

So I've been off my birth control for a full two months.  According to my ovulation tests and the other signs I've learned to look for (basal body temperature, cervical mucus) I have yet to ovulate.  I'm starting to get slightly nervous, since we only have until July 31st to try and get pregnant.  August 1st is nine months from April when My Husband is scheduled to deploy again.
Dulling the fear that six years on the pill will prevent me from ever getting pregnant or I have some other dread disease that causes infertility, I'm starting to notice a symptom that the pill is getting out of my system.  So I suppose that should cheer me up a little.

Symptom: I'm ridiculously horny.

I apologize for being blunt, but it's true.  When I started researching the birth control pill I saw some side effects concerning one's libido, but I didn't notice any real change.  That is, until I started Zoloft a year and a half ago.

Yes, I am on antidepressants and yes, I need them.  I've had three major depressive episodes in my life...one at 15, one at 22 and one again at 24 when My Husband deployed.  I was suicidal during each and practicing self-harm.  Being enrolled in military health care (and away from my parents' home and opinions), I felt comfortable to start seeing a therapist and taking medication.  The way Doc (my psychologist) explained it, my history of depression means I don't have enough serotonin in my brain to function effectively.  I need medication, like vitamins, to contribute what my body can't produce on its own.  I'm also learning coping mechanisms in therapy and working out regularly to attempt to boost my natural serotonin levels.

Anyway.

Zoloft also tends to lower a person's sex drive, so this is pretty much a one-two-punch to my libido.  It wasn't a huge issue, since My Husband was gone for 12 months, but six months after his return I still had to work to get "in the mood."  That is no longer the case.

I'm not a raging nymphomaniac, but I am finding it difficult to be physically without My Husband for days at a time.  As my last post illustrates, I'm dreaming about kissing other men.  I'm attracted to people I wasn't before (Hugh Laurie on House.  Weight-lifters wearing those dopey toed shoes at the gym.  And a few of my husband's Army associates, but I won't name names).  Embarrassing.

I want to flirt with strangers, which is so unlike me.  I'm living vicariously through television couples with highly romantic storylines.  I do a double-take whenever I hear a nice deep baritone, especially if it's slightly raspy (I think that's what first attracted me to Hugh.  And if he ends up Googling himself and reading this, keep up the good work being sexy).

Things are just...hotter...than normal, you know what I mean?  

And since the ovulation tests show there are no eggs on deck yet, I have to assume my spike in sexuality is due to the lack of hormones fucking with it (pun intended).

I'm not completely sure how to cope with this new development.  I could discuss it with Doc, but I'm a little uncomfortable talking about sex with him...he's a 60-year-old Mormon from Montana. 

Luckily for me, My Husband's field exercises end tomorrow and he won't have to leave again until after Memorial Day.  If having sex every day doesn't sate me, then I have something new to think about. 

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