What Dreams May Come

I'm about to tell you something I've never told anyone else, so get ready.

When My Husband's gone, I'm so starved for affection I dream about kissing other men.

Now, let's get serious for a minute.  I've never, in the six years we've been together, cheated on My Husband.  In fact, I've never even had the urge to do so.  But I've noticed in the weeks he's been out in the field I have regular dreams about kissing other guys.

The guys are never ex-boyfriends or real people I've actually kissed and usually not even people I know.  The last two I can remember was an acquaintance from college who's profile I passed by on Facebook that day and an actor from a rerun of House I watched...people I'm not even attracted to (although I am in the dream).

I've never had sex in these dreams either.  I've actually only had two sex dreams in my life that have not been about My Husband.  One was about Colin Farrell (I was 16) and the other was about...ahem...Kim Kardashian.  Don't ask me why.  The brain is a funny thing.

In these dreams I'm usually doing something alone...going to a party, walking through a city.  My interactions with whatever guy I'm dreaming about are all very flirty and rom/com.  Sometimes I'm not married in the dreams...other times I know I'm married so I stop the "affair" with kissing.  Rarely I realize I'm dreaming (called lucid dreaming) and then I just go all in.  When else am I going to have the opportunity to make out with Bradley Cooper (another recent subconscious conquest)?

To tell you the truth, it's kind of fun.  I haven't the slightest clue as to whether it's healthy or not, but it's fun.  It's the kind of feeling you have when you're young and have a crush that's blooming or just starting a relationship with someone...so you're kind of tingly and on edge.  I mean, it's my dream so the guys in it are really nice and attentive and it's fun.

But then I wake up and I miss My Husband worse than before.

Since I don't have these dreams when I'm in bed with him, I assume they're just about the fact it's hard to be separated  We've been married two years and it still hurts when I'm without him.  I guess I crave a physical connection with a man I care about (which, in my dreams, is exactly what I'm getting).

When we first started dating, my mother warned me about long-distance relationships and how I'd miss out on a lot of the benefits of allowing myself to be close with a man...hugging, kissing, being held.  For some reason that's ringing really true right now.

Will I tell My Husband this happens?  Maybe.  I doubt he'd be jealous of actors and college acquaintances.

But then again, I may keep it to myself.  They are my dreams, after all.