Movie Casting Mishaps

I recently came across a list of the 10 Worst Casting Calls in movie history.  You can visit the link here: http://www.newser.com/story/111088/10-worst-casting-choices-ever.html

I agreed with a good portion of them, but I felt strongly about a few character gaffes they omitted.  Here’s my personal Top 5 (or should I call them Bottom 5?) Worst Casting Calls in movie history. 

*Side note: This list has absolutely no bearing on my opinion of these actors’ talent or body of other work.  In fact, I included parts I loved each in.  These listed roles are just unfortunate attempts by Hollywood to shove square pegs into heinously not-square holes. Also, the photos are for illustrative purposes only and I in no way claim ownership of them. 

5.) Diane Kruger as “Helen” in Troy

“The face that launched a thousand ships…”  Now don’t get me wrong, Diane Kruger is GORGEOUS with a capital BEAUTIFUL.  But Helen is supposed to be intoxicating; the epitome of divine splendor in human form.  She’s supposed to steal each scene the way she stole Paris’ heart, but I found Kruger’s performance to be timid and ashen.  I’ve always seen Helen and Paris as two reckless beings struggling passionately to separate themselves from the tentacles of impervious fate, but Kruger plays her like a marionette with her strings cut...unhappily being swept from scene to scene.

I LOVED Diane Kruger as opera diva Anna Sørensen in the foreign war and peace flick Joyeux Noël.

4.) Mickey Rooney as “Mr. Yunioshi” in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Holy racism, Batman!  Truman Capote pretty much hated the film rendition of his novella (reportedly he imagined Holly Golightly as an earthier, more basic character portrayed by Marilyn Monroe.  Audrey Hepburn’s Holly, with her ethereal, sophisticated yet damaged persona has become a Hollywood icon in spite of his disappointment) and for good reason…Mr. Yunioshi and his buck teeth and squinty eyes became an offensive caricature more appropriate for a WWII propaganda poster than the silver screen.  Not a suitable part for a heavyweight like Mickey Rooney.

I LOVED Mickey Rooney as Mi Taylor, the underdog trainer of under-underdog jockey Velvet Brown in National Velvet.

3.) Ryan Reynolds as “Hal Jordan/The Green Lantern” in The Green Lantern

As a closet comic book devotee, I know Hal Jordan was the first and arguably the most well-known Green Lantern.  But in the early 1970s, D.C. Comics introduced Green Lantern John Stewart, one of the very first African-American superheroes to grace its graphic pages.  This was the Green Lantern I grew up with, and the one portrayed in most modern Justice League cartoons.  What a wasted opportunity to use major motion-picture mojo and put a black superhero on the big screen.

I LOVED Ryan Reynolds as Michael Bergen in the Boston-based sitcom Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place.  And in pretty much everything else he’s done, because he’s a superhot God of all things Canadian.

2.) Sofia Coppola as “Mary Corleone” in The Godfather: Part III

Mary Corleone is the female doppelganger of young Michael Corleone…a father’s joy and hope for the future of his family.  Her destruction at the hands of his “business,” (in this case, ACTUAL destruction and death as opposed to Michael’s symbolic destruction when Sonny’s death forces him to take on the Godfather mantle) is one of the most operatic moments in film history.  But Sofia is in no way prepared for this part…she’s awkward and ill-at-ease and stumbles through the seduction of an appropriately tormented Andy Garcia.

I LOVED Sofia Coppola’s writing and direction of The Virgin Suicides…in fact; she’s one of the most brilliant female directors to ever get behind the lens. 

1.) Steve Zahn as “Al Giordino” & Matthew McConaughey as “Dirk Pitt” in Sahara

Just your luck, a two-for-one!  Clive Cussler is one of my FAVORITE authors of all time and I have never seen a more disastrous interpretation of a book in my entire life.  Dirk Pitt is supposed to be a tall, dark Air Force hero with opaline green eyes and Al Giordino is supposed to be an Italian-American second-in-command to make Kevin Costner’s “Elliot Ness” proud.  Instead, they both come off as inept and obnoxious frat boys with millions in government funding.  The script was so mangled Cussler actually sued to get his name taken OFF the credits.

I LOVED these actors as George Pappas in You’ve Got Mail and Jake Brigance in A Time to Kill…so don’t tell me I’m biased against McConaughey in serious roles J