Birth Control Update

So I've been off my birth control for a full two months.  According to my ovulation tests and the other signs I've learned to look for (basal body temperature, cervical mucus) I have yet to ovulate.  I'm starting to get slightly nervous, since we only have until July 31st to try and get pregnant.  August 1st is nine months from April when My Husband is scheduled to deploy again.
Dulling the fear that six years on the pill will prevent me from ever getting pregnant or I have some other dread disease that causes infertility, I'm starting to notice a symptom that the pill is getting out of my system.  So I suppose that should cheer me up a little.

Symptom: I'm ridiculously horny.

I apologize for being blunt, but it's true.  When I started researching the birth control pill I saw some side effects concerning one's libido, but I didn't notice any real change.  That is, until I started Zoloft a year and a half ago.

Yes, I am on antidepressants and yes, I need them.  I've had three major depressive episodes in my life...one at 15, one at 22 and one again at 24 when My Husband deployed.  I was suicidal during each and practicing self-harm.  Being enrolled in military health care (and away from my parents' home and opinions), I felt comfortable to start seeing a therapist and taking medication.  The way Doc (my psychologist) explained it, my history of depression means I don't have enough serotonin in my brain to function effectively.  I need medication, like vitamins, to contribute what my body can't produce on its own.  I'm also learning coping mechanisms in therapy and working out regularly to attempt to boost my natural serotonin levels.

Anyway.

Zoloft also tends to lower a person's sex drive, so this is pretty much a one-two-punch to my libido.  It wasn't a huge issue, since My Husband was gone for 12 months, but six months after his return I still had to work to get "in the mood."  That is no longer the case.

I'm not a raging nymphomaniac, but I am finding it difficult to be physically without My Husband for days at a time.  As my last post illustrates, I'm dreaming about kissing other men.  I'm attracted to people I wasn't before (Hugh Laurie on House.  Weight-lifters wearing those dopey toed shoes at the gym.  And a few of my husband's Army associates, but I won't name names).  Embarrassing.

I want to flirt with strangers, which is so unlike me.  I'm living vicariously through television couples with highly romantic storylines.  I do a double-take whenever I hear a nice deep baritone, especially if it's slightly raspy (I think that's what first attracted me to Hugh.  And if he ends up Googling himself and reading this, keep up the good work being sexy).

Things are just...hotter...than normal, you know what I mean?  

And since the ovulation tests show there are no eggs on deck yet, I have to assume my spike in sexuality is due to the lack of hormones fucking with it (pun intended).

I'm not completely sure how to cope with this new development.  I could discuss it with Doc, but I'm a little uncomfortable talking about sex with him...he's a 60-year-old Mormon from Montana. 

Luckily for me, My Husband's field exercises end tomorrow and he won't have to leave again until after Memorial Day.  If having sex every day doesn't sate me, then I have something new to think about. 

Post-Pill

So it's been about 30 days since I took myself off birth control in our first round of attempts to get pregnant.  According to everything I've charted in the months before this, I was due for my period on Friday the 22.  Since it's been a no show, My Husband and I decided to take a test and see if we are going to have a baby.

After a very busy day (including an FRG meeting, for which I am the new co-leader), we came home and I took a First Response (6 days before your missed period, it says!).  After three minutes of waiting, our microwave timer dinged and we took a look at the results.  Two pink lines: pregnant.  One pink line: not pregnant.

One pink line.  I am not pregnant.

Now, I didn't actually want to get pregnant in April.  Nine months from April is December, which would mean a child in the year 2011.  Even though 2012 is only a month away from then, for some reason I feel more comfortable with that timetable.

But still, it would have been a relief to know I could get pregnant.  I have no reason to suspect I'll have trouble conceiving...my mother, my aunt and both grandmothers had no problems.  I'm healthy, young, I have been taking my prenatals for months and my hips are pretty ridiculous.

And My Husband has been so sweet and excited about this.  He mentions being pregnant without any prodding, he's comfortable talking about our future son or daughter and asked me to take the pregnancy test when we were both home so he could know the results immediately.

So I'm slightly disappointed.  I don't think we have a good shot at conceiving in May since My Husband will be in the field Monday-Friday and only come home on weekends.  It may be good to give myself a few months to get my body back on track and figure out how my system reacts without the added hormones.

I wonder if every woman is just a little disappointed at a negative pregnancy test, even if it's the last thing you want in the world.  It makes sense that our brains would be hardwired to procreate.

So the adventure continues.