Sex, Lies & Politicos

All this talk about Anthony Weiner (a democratic state representative from New York) has made me really start to consider the following question: “Can a bad person be a good politician?”

Now, before you insert your dirty politician joke here, I’m being serious.  I think it’s obvious a bad person can be good at many jobs…mean plumbers, rude fashion designers, ungracious stockbrokers.  But can a bad person…an adulterer, a liar, a cheat…be a good politician?

Let’s talk this out.

(Disclaimer: I’m going to use the pronoun “he” for this post.  Please excuse my misandry for the sake of grammar).

First off: sex has nothing to do with most aspects of politicking.  If a state rep or a senator has kinkaliscious, leather bound, spiked collar coitus every day and then goes out to debate the aspects of a series of budget cuts, who cares?  As long as he gets the job done.  That’s why sexual orientation has no bearing on political prowess.  Sex is one thing.  Lying is another.

I am a child of the Clinton/Lewinsky* scandal.  Imagine little Lark, age 12, desperately trying to explain to her much more sexually experienced classmates that the president was being impeached for perjury, not for adultery.  I was unsuccessful and had to endure constant: “You prude!  Gonna impeach a guy for gettin’ some?!”

If a politician is willing to not only lie, but to break the law in order to keep his behavior secret, isn’t that a hallmark of someone you don’t want running the country?

In addition, we live in a time when most of us can choose our marriage partner.  Hypothetically, a politician who is married loves his wife.  If he can lie to his wife and children, whom he cares deeply about, what is to stop him from lying to his constituents who are no more than faces in a crowd?

Then you’ve got people like Eliot Spitzer, who built his career on prosecuting corruption and white collar crime.  But as a client of a high-end prostitute, he was in fact contributing to fraud the whole time (since prostitution isn’t always easy to prove, the upper-crust girls most often get fingered for tax evasion and breaking other financial laws).  So not only was he a cheater; Spitzer was a hypocrite.

Following the money, corruption can also be linked to a political sex scandal.  Spitzer was under investigation for using campaign funds to pay for liaisons with ladies of the night at the Mayflower Hotel.  I’m sure some enterprising reporter in poring over Arnold Schwarzenegger’s financials to see if he used California state funds to offset the cost of his mistress’ breast implants.

In the military, a soldier can be prosecuted for adultery in a military court.  It’s considered “unbecoming,” and a “detriment to the armed forces,” according to Article 134.  Basically if a soldier is willing to ignore the sanctity of his/her wedding vows, he could theoretically be willing to ignore orders from a higher-up.  Ignoring orders would destroy our military.

But then you have droves of successful, beloved politicians who were unfaithful.  I’ve yet to see a dutiful Catholic household in the United States or Ireland without a framed photo of John F. Kennedy placed prominently on display.  FDR had extra-marital affairs before and after his presidency; probably during as well.  And Bill Clinton, for that matter, is considered one of the most productive presidents in recent history.

Personally, I have a serious problem with adultery and cannot abide any person, private or public, cheating on their spouse.  Most of the population isn’t forced into an arranged marriage.  It seems simple enough to me to get a divorce (or never get married in the first place) and spare your spouse and your conscience months or years of infidelity. 

So what does this mean?  I think it means some men can be trusted to separate business and pleasure and some men cannot.  The most important facet of this multi-dimensional issue is how the politician acts after he’s been caught.  Does he immediately fess up and apologize?  Plus one point.  Does he reveal details to staunch the inevitable flow of sordid stories from the other women?  Plus two points.  Does he give his wife the option of not standing mutely by his side as he confesses his sins on a public forum?  Plus three points.  Does he shut up about it after a few weeks and focus on the reasons he’s an elected official?  That’s a win; as much as you can have a win in this sordid situation.

What about the other guy?  The one who denies an affair over and over…or blames a resulting pregnancy on one of his staffers?  How about the man who repeatedly insults magazines and newspapers printing nothing but the truth?  Or the guy who claims he only pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct while trying to solicit sex in an airport bathroom to “make the issue go away” but he’s really innocent?  The guy who refuses multiple calls from his own party to resign and then takes personal time to deal with his “issues”?  Minus a million points.  This guy sucks.

So like many gray-area issues, I think this one can only be judged on a case-by-case basis.  After all, seeing how a man deals with adversity is a much better gauge of his character than seeing how he thrives in prosperity.  Especially when the adversity is a bed of his own making.  With a pro laying in it.

*To tell you the truth, Clinton messed me up.  I believed him when he said he was innocent of wrongdoing…I thought this was just another case of a woman looking for her 15 minutes front and center.  Then he went and changed the definition of “sex” for me and my peers and everyone to come after us.  When Baby Boomer girls were in 5^th grade, were they being ignored by boys because they refused to put anyone’s penis in their mouths?  I was.  “It’s not sex,” they told me.  “The President even said so.  It’s just like kissing, only better.”

Idea for a TV Show

I think I have a good idea for a TV show.

I've really benefited from attending regular counselling sessions since I married my soldier...talking to someone helps deal with the realities of his job.  I know that, percentage wise, being in the army is not the most dangerous occupation in the United States (even in wartime).  It's commercial fishing. 

So sometimes I think about how family members of those Alaskan King Crab fishermen they show on the Discovery Channel would benefit from therapy, too.

So my pitch is this: a twenty-something woman has just completed her doctorate in psychology or therapy or whatever.  She returns from the big city to the teeny fishing village in the tundra where she grew up to set up a counselling practice.  Except no one wants to go see her because A) they feel betrayed she left to go to the city for schooling and B) grief counselling is considered a weakness and people think they'll be ostracized for attending her sessions.  I think I'll call her...Simone.  Dr. Simone Dylan.

Of course we'll need her family...her rough-and-tumble sea captain dad (who's torn between pride and embarassment about her behavior), an older brother who's his spitting image, a mother who keeps the peace at a great cost to her self and a little sister married to a fisherman who's angry our protagonist has dared to make a different life for herself.  Add in an old high school boyfriend who continues to call her by some slightly annoying pet name and maybe a few folks from a film crew that follows the fisherman around for a cable show and I think it's got potential.

So if you work for a cable network and you're skimming the Internet for new material to impress your bosses with...have your people call my people.

Truth Above All Else

WARNING: The following post contains EXPLICT MATERIAL.  Please be advised.

So New York State Representative Anthony Weiner has admitted that the underwear photo sent from his Twitter account to an unidentified woman's was not only him, but he sent it...his account was not "hacked" and a false photo posted as he previously charged.

These are some of the photos...in one Weiner (has a surname ever been more appropriate?) is shirtless (courtesy of BigGovernment.com) and in another his penis outline is visible under his gray underwear (from abcnews.com).

In other "news," there some growing speculation that not only are the recently released nude cell phone photos of actress Blake Lively genuinely her (she claims they're faked), but she is the one who leaked them in the first place.  Now, the person who's making noises about this is entrepeneur and all-around douchebag Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild), so it should be taken with a grain of salt.

http://icydk.com/

The idea that photos are really of Lively, despite what she and her reps claim, is bolstered by numerous paparazzi photos of her using the same phone (while fully clothed) as well as tattoos and other markers.  Personally, I think the photos are of her.  If they're not, the forger is exceptional and I'd like to meet him/her.

But it's probably just another instance of someone in the public eye getting caught using technology in a dirty, dirty way and lying about it.  I will NEVER understand why people don't just come clean when they've been caught with their pants down...or their bra off or whatever.

We live in the age of constant paparazzi presence.  We also live in the age of quadrillions of gigabytes flying around in the form of the Internet...and people, what you put online NEVER GOES AWAY.  It cannot be erased, it cannot be hidden.  It's out in the universe for-ehv-verr.

Here's another observation: people only care for a few moments if you do something naughty.  President Obama admitted cocaine use in college.  Vanessa Hudgens acknowledged the naked photos of her were indeed taken by her and were a personal gift for her boyfriend Zac Efron.  These stories were "news" for a millisecond and then the public moved on.

What the public does harp on is trying to cover shit up.  Had President Obama denied ever seeing an ounce of cocaine, some enterprising reporter from the National Enquirer (PS, Enquirer: where can I send my resume?) would have found a photo of him snorting and seventeen alumni who attended the party he got so wasted at.  But he admitted it and people stopped caring.  Because bad behavior is not always a big deal: especially if you're rich, successful, attractive or all of the above.  Does John Edwards ring a bell?  Ass.

The TRUTH, friends.  The TRUTH is what matters, no matter the magnitude or significance of your sins.


Sidenote: As a woman who has spent six years in a long distance relationship, I've taken my share of...ahem...questionable photos.  I will never judge a man or a woman for naughty photos...unless that person is using those photos to be unfaithful, entice underage partners or doesn't accept responsibility for the recording and release of the pictures, even if he was actually hacked and the pics were stolen.  They're still yours. 

But seriously, Blake...using your iPhone and a mirror?  That's Busch League.  Get an awesome camera with a timer (Lord knows you can afford it) and get your Playboy on.  Fool around with lighting and poses.  Edit the photos to your liking and then send them...that way if they do get leaked, at least you can call them artsy.

Clean Freak

When My Husband is about to leave for extended periods of time I get slightly psycho about cleaning.  I never really understood why...I assumed it's about controlling something to make me feel better about the fact I can't control his time away from home.

This morning I figured out the real reason.

My Husband is gone for the next few days...overnight in the field doing training exercises.  He left this morning about 4:30am, kissing me goodbye in the dark of our bedroom while I was still half asleep.

When I came home from my shift at the shelter a few hours later, the first thing I saw walking through the door were his running shoes...tossed at the base of the couch where he left them yesterday after returning from his track workout.

I can't really put into words the feeling of seeing something he touched a few hours ago and knowing he won't touch it again for days.  It's just this huge reminder that he's gone and he won't be back for awhile. 

This, of course, makes me think about how I would feel seeing those running shoes and knowing he'll never touch them again because he's dead. 

Do all soldier's wives have death in the forefront of their minds like I do, or does my depression predispose me to dark thoughts like these?

So before he leaves I clean like a maniac so that everything is in its proper place...and most importantly, anything that belongs to My Husband is tucked safely out of sight until he returns and has some use for it.  I stow away the physical reminders of his absence the way I ignore the truth of the dangerous nature of his job.  Until I have a weak moment and those dismal thoughts, always hovering somewhere just out of consciousness, strike home.

I think I'll go to the gym and tire myself out so much that I can't think anymore.

Musings

Sometimes I wonder what the world's eating habits would be like if God had exalted Cain's offering of fruits and vegetables instead of Abel's lamb.  Would we all be vegetarians?

What do babies dream about?  I mean, they have experienced very little at that age and so don't have the memories that contribute to dreams, but their subconscious seems very active when they sleep.  Do you think they're getting a taste of what their futures will be?

Are Capuchin Monks offended by the moniker of Capuchin Monkeys?

Prairie dogs and groundhogs resemble each other, but do not resemble dogs or hogs.  Why is that?

The Bible says Jesus is a descendant of the House of King David.  But Joseph, the descendant of King David to whom the Bible refers, does not have any blood link to Jesus (the son of God and Mary).  What line did Mary descend from, and shouldn't that one be more important?

Spaniels are called spaniels because their doggie ancestors were from Spain.  So why aren't Spaniards called spaniels, too?

If vampires are dead and therefore have neither heartbeat nor blood flow, how do Edward Cullen and Bella Swan have sex in Breaking Dawn?  Does he have a magical vampire penis?

Is it wrong to refuse to purchase ice cream that is described as "vanilla flavored" instead of "vanilla"?  Because I refuse to.

Why is convicted thief and liar G. Gordon Liddy a good spokesman for buying gold?  Isn't it a crime to buy stuff from a burglar?

Flooded Again

Have I ever mentioned our apartment complex is built on a flood plain?  When it rains really hard, the creek situated 100 yards away overflows and breaches into the field between it and our parking lot.  If it continues raining, the parking lot floods.  Last spring the water got all the way up to the front step leading up to the second and third floors.

Yesterday it rained all day and all night.  About 3am the fire department pounded on our door to inform us the creek was overflowing and the parking lot would flood within the hour.  Since My Husband had to be awake shortly anyway, he got up and moved his car to the other side of the complex and I rolled myself out of bed to cook him breakfast.

Luckily it stopped raining by the time he went to work.  The water, which was creeping through the parking lot, began to ebb.  By noon it had evaporated from the pavement, leaving layers of mud in its wake.  The field was still full and running on a current at 3pm, but as the afternoon turned to evening most of the water sunk into the ground or returned to the creek.

The guy who lives downstairs had a bunch of his army buddies show up with trucks and sandbags to fortify his first-floor home.  The weatherman is calling for another 3-6 inches of rain tonight, and with the ground so drenched and the air so humid we'll flood again for sure if that happens.

Last spring when we flooded, My Husband was still deployed and I was on the verge of freaking out.  The worst part is the refuse the flooded creek leaves behind...trash, trees, pounds of mud and scads of displaced rodents.  With those rodents come snakes, slithering through the current like sea monsters of lore.  After the water recedes, the stench of rotting foliage and bits of dead mice who couldn't escape their serpentine predators is over powering.

Heaven help some intrepid water moccassin who tries to touch Buoy.  I've never eaten fried snake, but if one of those things goes after my baby it's gonna end up dead on the table faster than you can say "possum surprise."

Dave Matthews: Double-Threat

I really enjoy Dave Matthews as an actor.
Generally I'm a stickler for "artists" of any kind staying within their parameters...I don't like it when actors release CDs (exceptions...Zooey Deschanel) or singers try to act.  You'd think because I love musicals from the 1940s and 50s I'd appreciate the attempts of modern celebrities to be double or triple-threats, but I find most just don't have the talent to pull it off.

Lindsay Lohan can actually act, but her forays into singing were ill-advised.  I feel the same way about Gwyneth Paltrow.  Justin Timberlake is really funny and I'd love to see him as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, but I'm not convinced he can hold a whole feature film on his own.  And I don't watch Glee, but I know the main guy on that show has some real singing and acting chops.

I'm on the fence about Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Lopez.  I enjoy J-Lo's pop songs and her foray into romantic comedies, and I think she's the only person who could have starred in Selena back in the day.  Obviously Jamie Foxx is an Oscar winner and he can actually carry a tune.

But I love every single one of Dave Matthews' parts on TV and in films plus he is an exceptional singer/songwriter.  I wonder if that's the thing...if a person has legitimate MUSICAL talent (ie instruments, scales, the whole shebang) then they also have legitimate acting talent.  Maybe it's a right brain thing.  Then people who have kind of mediocre "musical" talent...pop stars, entertainers and the like, also have mediocre acting talents.

I'm talking to you, Britney.