Flirting

The other day one of my acquaintances, the wife of a soldier in My Husband's unit, wanted to know if the male trainers at our mutual gym are always asking how I am and offering me free samples of smoothies from the smoothie bar.  Apparently she has a hard time getting through her workout without being interrupted by men at the gym (both employees and fellow customers).

This has not happened to me.  Ever.  It's possibly because I hate going to the gym and I'm probably wearing my scowl-y face through my entire workout, but still.  Her comment kind of made me feel like there's something undesirable about me.  I'm always hearing these stories about women never getting asked out and then the get married and all of a sudden guys are all over them.  Not for me.

So I spent some time stewing over it, lamenting my un-flirt-worthy persona, when it hit me: friendly, handsome guys NEVER flirt with me.  They never have.  So why should now be any different than when I was 19?

Perhaps I should clarify that...there have been perfectly nice men that I've had some kind of relationship with (more than hooking up, less than going steady), but if I recall correctly I'm always the one who did the pursuing.  No guy has ever run into me "accidentally on purpose" at a bookstore or invited me for drinks to a bar with his friends.  I've been hit on, certainly.  In very crude and leering ways.  But those are not the kind of guys you bring home to your mother.

This led me to another realization: romantic comedies have FUCKED UP MY BRAIN.  It's not realistic to expect a 6-foot-tall Ivy League educated athlete with a killer smile and interesting career to ignore all the models throwing themselves at him and chat me up in a coffee shop (thank you very much, Patrick Wilson of Morning Glory) and then look disappointed yet resigned when he finds out I'm married.  And maybe pine for me just a little from afar.

In fact, I'd have to say the only handsome athlete with a strong character and a sense of humor to ever flirt with me is My Husband.

Does this make me sound ungrateful?  I don't mean to be ungrateful.  I know very well My Husband is way out of my league and with his looks and his steady paycheck he could have any woman he wants. 

I shudder at the thought (as should all women reading this sentence), but I've been raised to desire un-creepy male attention and having My Husband gone all the time leaves that severely lacking in my life.

So I guess I just have to have my little Gigi from He Just Not That Into You moment and convince myself swoonworthy men don't swoop into my life and then bow out of it gracefully just to boost my confidence. 

Life is not a Reese Witherspoon film, after all.

Some Favorite Movie Scenes

I'm a huge film fan.  So when My Husband asked me last night what some of my favorite movie scenes of all time were, I had to oblige him.  And then I had to write them down and share them with you :)  Every single one of these movies is worth seeing; so if you haven't, I apologize for the spoilers and encourage you to rent them all!

Here are some of my top cinema scenes of all time (in no particular order):

• THE SHOOTOUT ON THE STEPS from The Untouchables, 1987

Almost the whole thing is in slow motion and you still never get bored.  Plus it's got Kevin Costner and Andy Garcia in their heyday shooting bad guys and saving babies.  You can't lose.  Photo courtesy of http://smith-wessonforum.com/s-w-hand-ejectors-1896-1961/148505-s-w-untouchables.html 

• SHADOW COMES HOME from Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, 1993

Just when you think the old timer golden retriever didn't make it in this live-action Walt Disney flick, he comes limping up a hill and runs to his crying boy.  A must-see for dog lovers everywhere.

• RAQUEL WELCH SPILLS HER SECRET from The Shawshank Redemption, 1994

Iconic photography, atmospheric music and stellar acting...there is nothing like seeing Warden Norton's face when he realizes Andy Dufresne has tunnelled his way to freedom.  Photo courtesy of totalfilm.com

• THE GRINCH'S HEART GROWS from Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, 1966 

What a heart-warming testament to the redemptive power of music and love!

• REUNION IN THE REFLECTING POOL from Forrest Gump, 1994

As the wife of a soldier, I have a soft spot for emotional reunions.  And there's thousands of people applauding as Forrest and Jenny embrace in front of the Washington Monument.  Spectacular.  Photo courtesy of Max Sees Movies Blog

• "I WILL FIND YOU!" UNDER THE WATERFALL from The Last of the Mohicans, 1992

Speaking of romance, there's really nothing like a soaking wet hero pledging his everlasting love for you while the scents of gunpowder and danger fill your nostrils.  Daniel Day-Lewis has been a pillar of the acting community for decades and damn does he deserve it.

• THE FIRST TIME THEY SEE THE DINOSAURS from Jurassic Park, 1993

The music is epic.  The story is fantastic.  And when you stop to think about the fact that these actors aren't actually looking at...well, anything...the scene becomes that much more impressive.  Photo courtesy of blogger Amy Wong

• CINDERELLA SPINS INTO HER BALLGOWN from Walt Disney's Cinderella, 1950

Who doesn't want to take a slow-motion spin in a moonlit garden and have a bunch of sparkles turn you into the belle of the ball?

• JANE RUSSELL AS MARILYN MONROE from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953

A very funny movie that's well worth the Netflix...especially the scene toward the end where Jane Russell's character Dorothy impersonates Marilyn Monroe's character Lorelei in a French courtroom: platinum blonde curls, husky whisper and all.  Photo courtesy of the Film Experience Blog

• SIDNEY POITIER TELLS IT LIKE IT IS from Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, 1967

As my generation struggles to live with the choices and rectify the mistakes of the "Baby Boomers," John Prentice's speech to his father captures a feeling of repression, passion and restrained power I could never hope to articulate.  "You and your whole lousy generation believes the way it was for you is the way it's got to be!" he rages.  Undoubtedly one of a great actor's greatest scenes.  Photo courtesy of movieactors.com

The "List"

Have you guys ever played that game where you make a list of the celebrities you’re “allowed” to sleep with no matter what kind of actual relationship you’re in?  You may remember it as a storyline on a second-season episode of Friends (with Ross' laminated list and a guest spot by Isabella Rossellini). 

When I was in college we used to sit at the university-exclusive (no entry without an ID) pub and discuss it with everyone who popped in for a sandwich and a beer.  It made for some interesting conversation and seems to be a great way to figure out what attracts you to the opposite (or same) sex.

My personal list has morphed slightly over the years: Colin Farrell was on the original but got bumped when he grew out that greasy hair…Bear Grylls of Discovery Channel fame was there for a while but I crossed him off after watching him anally rehydrate himself with his own urine.  Even fake relationships can only handle so much.

Still, it’s pretty easy to see I have a type.  Google some photos of these guys...it'll make your day better, I promise:

1.       MARK VALLEY, actor (mostly television): Valley may be best known for his turn on Boston Legal, but I fell in love with him on Fox’s Keen Eddie years ago.  The show didn’t last but the DVDs are worth the Netflix…Keen Eddie was Sienna Miller’s American television debut.  He currently plays the main character on Fox’s Human Target.  The guy is basically the personification of testosterone.  His build, his face and his voice are all completely and deliciously male.  Plus he’s an army veteran.  Catching on to my type yet?

2.       MIKE ROWE, “media personality”: Rowe is another example of my addiction to classic masculinity.  His degree is in Communications and he’s done extensive television work, including developing and hosting Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel.  He’s funny, loyal (his crew’s been the same from the get-go) and he loves his mom.  And I’m a sucker for a nice baritone.

3.       NICHOLAS GONZALEZ, actor (TV & movies): I first noticed Gonzalez when he was a visiting detective on a mission on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.  Then he popped up on my Grey’s Anatomy successor Off the Map.  Turns out he’s not only a hottie, but an exceptional student with a degree from Stanford and two terms at Oxford under his belt.  His character on Off the Map grows cocaine, but obviously I’m hoping that won’t result in a police shootout death scene anytime soon.

4.       ANDREW LEE POTTS, actor (British TV & movies): As the anti-hero Hatter on Syfy Channel’s miniseries Alice, Lee Potts was introduced to legions of American fans even though he’s been on British TV for more than a decade.  He’s a main cast member on ITV’s Primeval, about a team of scientists and students who travel around Britain catching creatures from the past and future that slip into our world through slits in time.  If you’re interested, there’s a ton of original music videos celebrating his scenes from Alice (where he’s not only clever and quirky, but sits stoically through a torture session meant to break him) on Youtube.

5.       CHRIS LEAK, football player (University of Florida & CFL): Even though his NFL dreams seem to continue getting waylaid, Leak is a very talented quarterback with a long history of academic achievement and volunteer work.  Parade Magazine featured him as its 2003 High School Football Player of the Year, and I actually cut out his photo and kept it in my locker.  It’s hard to make the Canadian Football League watchable, but Leak does it.

On Deck (I apparently have given this a lot of thought):

·         RYAN LOCHTE, professional swimmer: I’ve always thought dancers have the best “feminine” figures and swimmers have the best “masculine” shapes.  Lochte is an excellent example AND he has a face to match.  He’s often overshadowed by Olympic teammate Michael Phelps, but his record at the University of Florida was stellar and he continues to be a real force in the swimming world.  I also appreciate this upstate New Yorker’s ability to stay out of the spotlight, something Phelps has some trouble with.

Try this with your friends.  You may be surprised at their answers and change some of your own J

Movie Casting Mishaps

I recently came across a list of the 10 Worst Casting Calls in movie history.  You can visit the link here: http://www.newser.com/story/111088/10-worst-casting-choices-ever.html

I agreed with a good portion of them, but I felt strongly about a few character gaffes they omitted.  Here’s my personal Top 5 (or should I call them Bottom 5?) Worst Casting Calls in movie history. 

*Side note: This list has absolutely no bearing on my opinion of these actors’ talent or body of other work.  In fact, I included parts I loved each in.  These listed roles are just unfortunate attempts by Hollywood to shove square pegs into heinously not-square holes. Also, the photos are for illustrative purposes only and I in no way claim ownership of them. 

5.) Diane Kruger as “Helen” in Troy

“The face that launched a thousand ships…”  Now don’t get me wrong, Diane Kruger is GORGEOUS with a capital BEAUTIFUL.  But Helen is supposed to be intoxicating; the epitome of divine splendor in human form.  She’s supposed to steal each scene the way she stole Paris’ heart, but I found Kruger’s performance to be timid and ashen.  I’ve always seen Helen and Paris as two reckless beings struggling passionately to separate themselves from the tentacles of impervious fate, but Kruger plays her like a marionette with her strings cut...unhappily being swept from scene to scene.

I LOVED Diane Kruger as opera diva Anna Sørensen in the foreign war and peace flick Joyeux Noël.

4.) Mickey Rooney as “Mr. Yunioshi” in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Holy racism, Batman!  Truman Capote pretty much hated the film rendition of his novella (reportedly he imagined Holly Golightly as an earthier, more basic character portrayed by Marilyn Monroe.  Audrey Hepburn’s Holly, with her ethereal, sophisticated yet damaged persona has become a Hollywood icon in spite of his disappointment) and for good reason…Mr. Yunioshi and his buck teeth and squinty eyes became an offensive caricature more appropriate for a WWII propaganda poster than the silver screen.  Not a suitable part for a heavyweight like Mickey Rooney.

I LOVED Mickey Rooney as Mi Taylor, the underdog trainer of under-underdog jockey Velvet Brown in National Velvet.

3.) Ryan Reynolds as “Hal Jordan/The Green Lantern” in The Green Lantern

As a closet comic book devotee, I know Hal Jordan was the first and arguably the most well-known Green Lantern.  But in the early 1970s, D.C. Comics introduced Green Lantern John Stewart, one of the very first African-American superheroes to grace its graphic pages.  This was the Green Lantern I grew up with, and the one portrayed in most modern Justice League cartoons.  What a wasted opportunity to use major motion-picture mojo and put a black superhero on the big screen.

I LOVED Ryan Reynolds as Michael Bergen in the Boston-based sitcom Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place.  And in pretty much everything else he’s done, because he’s a superhot God of all things Canadian.

2.) Sofia Coppola as “Mary Corleone” in The Godfather: Part III

Mary Corleone is the female doppelganger of young Michael Corleone…a father’s joy and hope for the future of his family.  Her destruction at the hands of his “business,” (in this case, ACTUAL destruction and death as opposed to Michael’s symbolic destruction when Sonny’s death forces him to take on the Godfather mantle) is one of the most operatic moments in film history.  But Sofia is in no way prepared for this part…she’s awkward and ill-at-ease and stumbles through the seduction of an appropriately tormented Andy Garcia.

I LOVED Sofia Coppola’s writing and direction of The Virgin Suicides…in fact; she’s one of the most brilliant female directors to ever get behind the lens. 

1.) Steve Zahn as “Al Giordino” & Matthew McConaughey as “Dirk Pitt” in Sahara

Just your luck, a two-for-one!  Clive Cussler is one of my FAVORITE authors of all time and I have never seen a more disastrous interpretation of a book in my entire life.  Dirk Pitt is supposed to be a tall, dark Air Force hero with opaline green eyes and Al Giordino is supposed to be an Italian-American second-in-command to make Kevin Costner’s “Elliot Ness” proud.  Instead, they both come off as inept and obnoxious frat boys with millions in government funding.  The script was so mangled Cussler actually sued to get his name taken OFF the credits.

I LOVED these actors as George Pappas in You’ve Got Mail and Jake Brigance in A Time to Kill…so don’t tell me I’m biased against McConaughey in serious roles J