In-Law Visit

My Husband and I just got home from a few days visiting his family in Chicago, Illinois.  His sister India and her husband Stuart live there with their daughter Lena (she just turned 2 years old).  So My Husband's parents and his oldest brother Holden drove in from Pennsylvania to meet us there.

It was...an experience, as all these visits tend to be.  Luckily for me I seem to be developing a sort of desensitization to their various antics.  My Husband's family has no boundaries (no topic is taboo, no closed door means privacy) and they are all, in general, very nice but angry people who would benefit immensely from therapy.

My Husband's mother is a tough woman who grew up in the Philadelphia projects with her single mother and two siblings.  Her father's abandonment left her with some serious scars that her marriage made worse.

My mother-in-law met and got pregnant by My Husband's father when she just barely 20.  My father-in-laws family, very traditional and more on the moneyed side, didn't approve of the match at all.  But all parties were Catholic and marriage was the only option.

My father-in-law is an alcoholic.  He's good-natured but incredibly selfish and was unfaithful to my mother-in-law during spats in their marriage (something I've never told anyone).  She became very insular and focused on her five children, glossing over their mistakes and trumpeting their successes.

Holden is angry and an alcoholic like his father.  He's handsome and charming but incredibly disappointed that his life did not turn out how he planned it (marriage and children) and is consistently jealous of My Husband and insecure about his place in the universe.

India has a judgemental streak a mile wide; which is slightly ridiculous since her family hated Stuart and are still disappointed their relationship is successful.  She was convinced I was not good enough for My Husband and, quite frankly, never let me forget it for their first three years we were dating.  Marriage and motherhood has mellowed her out, but she's still desperate for reinforcement that she's raising her child properly.

Middle brother Dorian and youngest Charles were not there, so I'll save their paragraphs for another time.

Anyway, the only real hitches in the weekend were the fact that India is pregnant again...a sore spot for me, since we're trying and have been so far unsuccessful.  My visit to my grandmother's grave (my father was raised in Chicago) was spoiled by everyone's insistence on accompanying me...nothing like trying to have a moment with your dead grandma while hosting some kind of macabre field trip.

Holden spent a good part of the next day pissed at me...India and Stuart invited their aunt & uncle (my father-in-law's brother) who live just outside the city, to dinner.  India and her parents took Lena to gymnastics and the boys were out drinking, leaving me alone in the house to prepare for guests.  The boys (Holden, Stuart and My Husband) were TWO HOURS late, leaving me alone with the aunt & uncle for about an hour in a house that wasn't mine and was devoid of most supplies necessary for entertaining. 

I called My Husband to see were they were and let him know I was put out about the situation...I guess he was upset enough to try and rush the guys home.  Apparently Holden didn't appreciate my "demands," that their time together was cut short as well as the fact that I only set out two plates of hors d'oeurves.  I overheard him complain to his mother that he and Stuart "set out everything" when they got home.

Oh, did I mention that Stuart had the list of antipasti India wanted out and where she wanted it?  Damn, I've gotta get my mind-reading abilities in check.

He's just a pissy man and I pretty much hate him right now.  In the past, similar feelings of disapproval about my behavior would have sent me into tears...I hate disappointing people...but I think I may be getting a little more used to their outrageous expectations and can deal with them more effectively.  I'm trying to focus on the fact that no matter what I do, someone is going to be mad at me...had I set up the table perfectly Holden would have complained to his mother that I'm full of myself and think I can throw a better party than them.

But just the idea that every single family visit is going to have some kind of instance like this makes me...exhausted.

Worst Disney Movie Ever

I have a friend who LOVES DisneyWorld.  She interned at the park every summer during college (she played the character "Stitch" her third year!) and has wanted to get married there since we were like, ten.

Now, you should know that I too love DisneyWorld.  My grandmother (my mom's mom) loved all things Disney and integrated it into all our visits with her.  For example, she had a bag where she'd store gifts before giving them away called "The Mary Poppins Bag."  The hidden panic room in their New York home (which they used for storage) was called "The Alice in Wonderland Room."

My grandmother and grandfather were (and still are) very wealthy.  My family isn't, but we benefitted a great deal from their generosity and took a number of trips to DisneyWorld, sometimes with my aunt and uncle and their boys, too.

DisneyWorld is my "Happy Place."  I'm not optimistic as a rule, and DisneyWorld is the ONLY place I remember all the good things and none of the bad things.  Of course my parents had vacation fights...my dad's never spent money without some regret...there was plenty of rivalry with my sisters for attention and any number of incidents in which I was punished for wandering off.  But all that stuff falls by the wayside when I think about being with my whole family in a place that's warm and sunny and magical.

My Husband has never been to DisneyWorld.  Now that the friend I mentioned at the beginning of this post is getting married (May 11th, yay Kate!) there, we planned a weeklong vacation to celebrate her marriage and so I could share all the DisneyWorld goodness with the love of my life.

We've been planning an all out vacation, our first that will be just us since we've been married.  Nine days, themed Disney resort, the works.  I've been bugging My Husband to get the OK from his commanding officer (CO) so I can use our Southwest miles to book plane tickets.

Enter the multi-tentacled monster that is the United States Army.  My Husband will be spending the entire month of May with his squadron in the field doing training exercises.  Oh wait, not the ENTIRE month...they have Memorial Day weekend off, just in time to go to My Husband's college roommate's wedding in which he's a groomsman.  Of course.

And this is after he's scheduled to spend the whole month of April in Fort Benning, GA at Scout School.

So no DisneyWorld wedding/vacation for the Delaneys.

Now, I've heard all the "army life" bullshit about missed vacations and holidays and this "is the life I've chosen" and all that.  I KNOW.  I know this is a hard life.  I did the deployment, I'm doing the training and the 14-hour workdays.  I know complaining is pointless and unproductive.

But I wanted to get married in September and we had to marry in July because of his deployment.  I wanted a honeymoon...same deal.  I just...I only wanted to go to DisneyWorld with My Husband and see my friend get married.  We've been planning this for more than a year and now...nothing.  I'm so tired of having my plans wrecked and having to pretend it's no big deal to keep the peace.

And so here I am; learning to live a life that someone else is in charge of.  And trying desperately to be grateful for it despite everything.